he loves his computer more
Many people online have their own definition of what a
hacker is, but for this dating section we'll make it
fairly cut and dry. "Hacker" is a loose term meaning
any boy who spends so much time on his computer that
he finds it neccessary to break into other people's
computer systems (mostly big corporations) purely out
of boredom or curiosity. Sometimes they approach relationships as
though there's a reset button nearby. But here's some
tips to help you in the quest to capture the heart of
your own hacker boy.
- Resist the temptation to ask your hacker boy to
perform illegal crimes to win your love. Hacking into
the phone company to change your phone bill might be
romantic at first, but if the Feds come a knockin',
you could sharing a jail cell.
- Know jargon words such as "phone phreaking" and
"black box." This will come in handy when he calls to
cancel your dinner plans because he has just gone into hiding for
having fun with technology.
- Get used to late-night calls and early morning texting. Hackers live in their
own time zone when most people are asleep. They do their best work when everyone else
have shut down for the day.
- Remind him that going to a 2600 meeting does
not count as a date.
- Beware of the hacker whose secret wish is to
become a machine. A few hackers have this cyborg
fantasy in common. The most they'll probably end up
doing is get tattoos of metal ripping through
- Other hackers have a deep love for robots. Make robots your BFFs!
In fact, learn how to make robots just for fun. A great way to woo a
guy (not just hackers) is to make him his own version of R2-D2.
- Read books by William Gibson, Neal Stephenson and
Philip K. Dick. Many hackers fancy themselves as old-school
cyberpunks and like to discuss topics such as memory
implants and information smugglers.
- Repeat to yourself at least once a day that it's
perfectly fine that you're human and not handcuffed to your computer. Hackers have a way
of treating their girlfriends as would-be fembots. Be
- Don't be angry if your hacker boy spends loads of
time on his computer instead of with you. He'll do
this a lot because that's what hackers do. (duh). To
hackers, time is relative.
- Some hackers live in their own little world full of 1s and 0s.
It's a binary world, and if you want to be near them, the quickest way is to
get online and learn more about their world. Be open to learning about his world, and trusting enough to let him into yours.
- Have some used, waterproof clothes to go dumpster
diving late at night. An old-school hacker will want
to spend romantic moonlit nights snooping around
dumpsters behind computer companies and
- Wifi, DSL and cable lines are essential.
If you never want your hacker to visit, get the slowest Internet
- Stock your fridge with Red Bull, various easy-to make foods, and Japanese candy. If you really want to impress your boy give him an endless supply of Club Mate and high-end beer. Of course, anyone usually loves a real homecooked meal. So break out the cookbook for special occasions.
- Hackers by nature love to take things apart to see how they work. He might be tempted to do the same with your relationship and that's okay. But also remind him that sometimes you need a good listener and not just a fixer when it comes to matters of the heart.
- If you expect your hacker to go outside and enjoy
the great outdoors, you'll have a long wait. Most
hackers like to stay indoors in front of the computer.
He may occasionally venture outside to go to a
computer swap meet or a hacker meeting. However, you might be more convincing
if you know how to temp him outside with the promise of cool tech gadgets. Try luring him
outside for an adventure in GeoCaching.
- Hackers like to travel for international gatherings quite a bit.
Whether it's Chaos Communications Congress or just a meetup with his pals around the world. To deal with spontaneous travel issues, use texting, IM and Web cams to stay in touch with your boy so he knows you're out there and excited to connect with him.
- Feeling frisky and your hacker boy is miles away or only online? Tempt him with IM sex. Sure it sounds uber-geeky, but it'll most likely get his gears turning and quite possibly be the most interesting version of safe sex you'll ever have.
- Speaking of gears turning, another side passion your hacker might have is with Steampunk -- a mix of Victorian technology and fashion with a retro-futuristic twist. Make him drool over your own corset made with lush fabrics and metal work. Or work together and make fun crafts like Steampunk lightsabers, robots and case mods. Find tips from Brass Goggles Blog and Steampunk magazine
- Many hackers preach the motto "All information
must be free and accessible," but don't assume he
means he'll be an open door of communication in
regards to your relationship.
- If your hacker boy has a slight interest in
biogenetics, don't let him talk you into being a
techno guinea pig. This means saying no when he asks
to implant a tracker microchip in your wrist. Make
your pets off limits while you're at it.
- Be flexible when it comes to his online pals. He
may want to spend hours and hours chatting with his
fellow hackers about how to take down the NSA
rather than chat with you about your day. Be patient and let him have
guy time, then chat.
- Be prepared to watch movies like Akira, Tetsuo,
Hardware, The Matrix and Blade Runner many a Friday
night. If he loved Johnny Mnemonic, get a new
boyfriend. That movie sucked.
- Expect all holiday, anniversary and birthday
gifts to come from Fry's Electronics or another RadioShack-esque store.
- You don't have to learn a programming language to talk to him on his level.
But he is smart -- really smart -- so you'll have to be as intelligent to hold a
conversation with him. Save your celeb gossip and reality show dishing for your
girlfriends and gay boy posse. However, hackers usually have their own secret shame TV shows or movies they like, so find out what your boy likes to watch and you might be surprised that you've been watching "MythBusters" and "The IT Crowd" as well.
- Hackers can sometimes be classified as social misfits. This
means he'll probably play a lot of video games or
stay online instead of wanting to go out to a party or
dance club.That doesn't mean he's not excited to be with you. Think of things you'd both like to attend -- BattleBots? Maker Faire? Chao Communication Camp? Or just stay home, curl up with him and a laptop, and make out.
All contents copyright
© 2007 by Bonnie Burton.
DISCLAIMER: By the way, these tips aren't meant to upset the actual punkers, stoners, musicians, ravers, goths and other types who visit Grrl.com. Sure not all musicians care more about their guitars than their girlfriends, and not all stoners eat tons of Ho-Hos, and not all goths wear black eyeliner, and not all ravers take E. But that's not the point. THIS IS IN JEST AND GOOD FUN. Learn to laugh at yourself a little. After all, not only have I dated all these stereotypes, but at different points of my life I was each of these stereotyoes myself -- except for the Redneck, that is.