J.T.T.
By Bonnie Burton
J.T.T.By Bonnie Burton
"John
Taylor will find me out of a million girls and we'll fall in love and
he'll take me away from this boring hell hole."
I wasn't alone. I vividly remember wrestling with a another girl in
the middle of Walgreens for the last
Simon LeBon exclusive issue of Tiger Beat magazine.
I made boy wallpaper out of the magazines pages from Bop, Star Hits,
Tiger Beat and other magazines. Every morning I woke up to twinkling XY
eyes peering out from my bedroom walls.
Eh...that's creepy when you think about it.
Now that's I'm 24 and bored with life once more, I decided to open a teen
idol rag for the first time in 10 years to recapture a bit of my obsession
with stalking young celebrities.
And young boys are exactly what I got!
Long ago when I read these rags, guys like Ralph Macchio,
Scott Baio and Rick Springfield scattered the pages. Then teen idols were at
least in their teens. They shaved. They owned driver's licenses.
Today, if teen idols got any younger, girls would be hanging up posters of
fetuses squigging around on ultrasounds.
In the pages of B.B. magazine...a brother rag to BOP, one of the oldest
heartthrobs worshipped is "Home Improvement" star
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (J.T.T.) He's not even a teenager yet. He's not
old enough to stay out past 10 pm.
Yet some things never change...
* What do you look for in a girl?
And of course, the answers are all just as well thought out as the questions.
Just once I'd like these boys to say what they REALLY think!
Whether it be J.T.T.,
or
Brad Renfro, magazines like BB will do their best to make a few bucks
on tell-all articles. When was Brad's first kiss? What happened to
Devon in the sixth grade? Does J.T.T. ever surf the Internet?
The only teen idol past puberty who makes it into any of these mags is Brad Pitt.
Teen magazines often feature quizzes to determine whether or not YOU would make a
better wife for Brad than that Jennifer chick.
This is the plug for any cute boy magazine. The editors claim if you know
everything about J.T.T. or Brad Pitt, then you have more of a right to date
them. If pre-teen stalkers ruled the galaxy...then maybe it could happen.
Every girl knows this isn't possible, we're just in a happy state of denial.
And after all, denial does sell magazines, right?
Hey, quit snickering! I was a 13-year-old girl living in the middle of
Kansas in the mid 1980s. So what if completely unrealistic dreams about innocent members of
Duran Duran kept me happy!
Still the same pointless and shallow questions are asked...
* What's your favorite song?
* What do you do for fun?
* Would you ever date a fat girl?
"Anyone is fine just as long as there
was something there and you had a
lot to talk about and you had stuff
in common." -- J.T.T.
"She has to be buxom, blonde and rich.
No fat chicks for me, no siree!
"Girls? Why would I be interested in girls?"
"My parents forced me into this,
I never wanted to act on bad TV shows,
I just want to be a kid."
