he used to be your best friend
This is probably the
hardest kind to date. Usually the boy starts off as
your best friend so you already have a basis of trust
built up. Then sex is thrown in somewhere along the
way. And what comes out is a confused state of
misunderstandings, freak-out tantrums and loads of
hurt feelings. It's called
screwing up the best friend equation because you want
something more. You need something more. It's normal
to feel that way.back
Sometimes, when you're lucky and the timing is right
- it works out and you end up finding true love with
your best friend. But it may start to suck if he
doesn't want to give what you two have any "titles,"
and he'd rather keep it up in the air instead. These
are tips for the girl who doesn't know how to deal
with the confusion that goes along with dating a boy
who may be a close friend but truly has no idea what
- Make damn sure that you both know what you
want from each other before you dive in head first.
What may be vague to you, could be sincerely
cut-and-dry to him. It's important that both
your views of the relationship are crystal clear to
each other. This will save you plenty of tears in the
future, and may actually help you realize that this
isn't such a good idea after all.
- If you want to be his future girlfriend, tell
him. Otherwise he's gonna think he can treat you like
a convenient sex buddy until someone better comes
along - and she will.
- Don't start acting like his girlfriend if you're
really not. This means don't dote on him like a silly
puppy. Don't constantly reassure him that he's the
best, if he's being a jerk. In other words, don't take
his shit. If he's being a schmuck, tell him. If he's
being super nice, tell him that too. You're still
supposed to be pals, after all.
- Be honest. This goes with any real relationship
you care about preserving. Lies always come back to
haunt you and him. Be honest with yourself too.
There's no sense in drowning in your own delusions.
- If you're gonna sleep with someone else tell him.
And if he does, ask him to tell you. This comes back
to the honesty thing, but you also don't want to
accept vagueness in this category. With AIDS and other
nasty STDs around, you don't want the last reminder of
him to be a pesky rash or a death certificate.
- Be careful of looking for signs that aren't
there. If he says he loves you, it may still just be
as a friend and not a romantic level, even if you're
having sex. If he says he sees you two as a couple, he
may mean anything's possible in the future, and not
that he wants you as his girlfriend right now.
Never ever assume.
- Many of these kinds of boys are the "want their
cake and eat it too." So take heed if he already has a
few undefined relationships scattered around.
He may have a serious girlfriend or a real romantic
interest in someone else that you don't know about. If
you don't know this, it's gonna make you feel awfully
ridiculous when you fess up that you're in love with
- Do not compare yourself to the other girls
he's seeing. It's never worth it. And it'll just peg
you as being a jealous, over-dramatic twit.
- Don't try to be someone else to win him over.
This all may seem like a huge game, but you can't make
someone fall in love with you or any alternate
persona. If being you isn't good enough, move on with
your dignity intact. In the long run, you'll be
stronger and happier for it.
- If you started out as friends and want to save
that aspect even when your romantic intentions hit a
brick wall - be patient. In most cases, when someone
is rejected on a romantic level or put inside the
bubble called "vague relationship," the friendship is
thrown into the gutter. If he's a real friend, he'll
try his best to quit hurting you. He'll listen. He'll
act like a friend. You'll know.
- And if he's really being a manipulative asshole,
you can always turn to an old-fashioned
voodoo doll. Though I personally don't reccomend a
heavy dosage of revenge because it's too exhausting to
pull off and I have a thing about getting bitch
slapped by karma.
All contents copyright
© 1998-2006 by Bonnie Burton.