tues, sept. 30, 2003

a random list of movies i still need to see:
(click links for trailers)


sunday, sept. 28, 2003

love advice from amazon.com

As I was procrastinating for the 80th time today, I read the following advice on someone's Listmania Book List:

Catch and Release: Don't Kill the Romance

"Love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made like bread; remade all the time, made new."
Ursula K. Le Guin, author of The Lathe of Heaven

    One of the main reasons why men fade away is that they lose their physical attraction for their mate. Don't neglect this simple reality.

    While it may seem natural to mother someone you love, nagging and scolding a man is one of the quickest ways to kill the passion. Stop mothering men and you will be treated more like a woman and he'll feel more like a man.

    An English proverb reads, "Familiarity breeds contempt." Maintain some safe breathing room by preserving some of your personal identity, personal interests, and personal friends. Learn to nourish the specialness of your individuality while you simultaneously maintain the connection in your love partnership.

    A Swedish proverb reads, "What a moment broke may take years to mend." Don't break the trust in a relationship by being careless in the moment. Once trust is broken it can never return to its original pristine condition. Keep your romance alive by not crossing the line of trust.

    Take full responsibility for your own reactions to what others say or do. Realize that a man will only cherish you in direct proportion to how well he is understood and appreciated. Choose to remain unperturbed by the painful but unintentional actions of others.

    The only way to fix the past is through complete forgiveness. A French proverb reads, "To understand is to forgive." If someone does something wrong unintentionally or unwisely, the only thing you can do to save your relationship is to be understanding and choose to forgive.

    Like a healthy plant, a love relationship is either growing or dying. There are no in-betweens. Keep your romance alive by discovering new ways of enjoying the wonders of an abundant life together.

    There may come a time in your life when all you have are your memories. Avoid taking your love for granted. Show your gratitude by valuing it richly now. Don't wait until you lose it in order to appreciate it.

Wow. Nothing like reading someone else's Amazon.com comments to remind you of everything you screwed up in the last relationship. I broke every single one of those blasted guidelines. Why is it that I discover all this handy advice months too late? I almost feel like someone somewhere is doing this to rub my face in my mistakes. Now where did I put my Relationship Rookie of the Year sash?


saturday., sept. 27, 2003

quote of the day

"There is a very dark and painful side to life, but that is natural. People in our culture think they shouldn't ever be unhappy. They think being unhappy is unnatural. They try and make it go away. They take pills or they go to therapy to 'fix' themselves. They blame themselves or others for their suffering.

We need to understand that sadness is as much a part of this life as joy. It would be easy to just get bitter and cold while focusing on the dark side, but there is also an amazing, wonderful side of life.

If you look for it, there is true magic all around us. Maybe that sounds trite to the hardened, self-protective modern ego, and if you open yourself, you do make yourself vulnerable to pain. But the deeper the pain you experience, the deeper the joy you can have."

- Mark Ryden, artist


tues., sept. 23, 2003

quit throwing rice

Everyone I know seems to be getting hitched. And not just because they're pregnant, or need a tax deduction or think it's the logical next step after waiting the appropriate 4 years of dating. Nope, it seems everyone I run across is blissfully hopping down the isle of matrimony because they're deeply in love. And I'm pretty sure I hate them.

I know, I know -- marriage doesn't equal happiness, or even fidelity for that matter. But dammit. I honestly thought I was going to be with that last guy a really long time. I didn't even care if he ever proposed, I was just happy that I found someone who had similar interests and didn't think it was tacky that I knew all the recipes in the Elvis cookbook by heart.

In hindsight I know now that I should have at least waited until he was good and ready before I asked to move in with him. Truth be told, I should have just keep my apartment so we'd each have an opportunity to escape to our own space when things got too annoying. But what the hell did I know? I was in love and couldn't wait to mix our laundry together in a romantic fantasy of domesticated bliss. Just like a Snuggles commercial, without the possessed teddy bear frolicking in the towels.

I know I've belabored the whole "I should have done this instead of that" discussion when it comes to my last relationship. And I probably will never truly forgive myself for all the craptacular mistakes I made with him. I mean how much of a rookie do you have to be to know that when your guy asks for more space, don't comment on how much you'd like to move in? If your fella gives you a drawer, don't take a closet. And for the love of RC Cola, do not, I repeat do not read his email to find out why he's stopped coming home at night. Yeah, if there's a dunce cap for relationships, I'm still wearing it.

So why am I bringing all this up again, after I've so successfully pretended to be full of glee with my fab-new-single-city-girl lifesyle? I blame the following entries and their blissfully happy married bloggers:

Isn't It Romantic

Jon's Wife



mon., sept. 22, 2003

the movie in my head

When you begin to write a novel a funny thing happens. You're not just writing scene after scene with languid prose you prize or cross out over and over again, but you are also casting a movie. I simply cannot just write. I have to see the people in the scene. Hear them breathe, whisper, gasp, scream, chatter to themselves in the bathtub. These aren't static characters either. They're all cast in my head from the get-go with past lovers, enemies or innocent film actors who have no idea I'm using them in a naughty non-SAG union way. It really is quite a shameful act on my behalf. But that's a perk of being a writer. We can choose our own cast of characters and allow them a new fate whether it be fighting off evil or getting a well-deserved happy ending.

Of course, I have a habit of spending more time casting my characters and listening to an imaginary soundtrack then writing scenes to give them something important to do. Well, that's not entirely true. I've already put my heroine in harm's way of pretty much every paranormal baddie you can imagine, and she still kicks ass. In fact, she harnesses the kind of inner strength I envy. Part of the storyline has her keeping a possible lover at arm's length because she has more important things to do than let herself get lost in the eyes of her troubled, but of course equally charming, love interest. My girl would rather find a murderer, then participate in her own petite mort. She's got to save us before she can save herself.

Any writer who tells you that her main characters have nothing to do with herself is full of crap. I don't think I could bring myself to even bother writing chapter after chapter unless I could see with my main character's eyes. Her visions are mine. Her smartass remarks are exactly the phrases I've uttered on a regular basis. Her attraction to a fictional lover mirrors my attraction to a composite of my past loves. It's bizarre the more I actually allow myself to ponder what it is that I'm doing here. And the creepy thing is that I'm finding myself falling for this character. He's got the accent of one lover, the glare of another and of course the naive self-destruction of yet another lover. If I couldn't save any of them, I can at least save this guy. Even if he's not real. (Let's hope for my sake he doesn't really exist somewhere.)


Sat., sept. 20, 2003

Return of the Bon

I'm back. Honest. I promise never to leave you that long again. When you're without home DSL, life sure can get lonely. No AIM buddies. No Friendster. No blogging at 2am. Sad times indeed. But I'm back, and damn if I'm not gonna whip Grrl.com back into shape!

During the week, I'm still doin' my thang at Lucasfilm, Ltd. and learning quite a bit about Jedi, Wookiees, Ewoks and Slave I. If you want to learn anything, and I do mean anything about Star Wars, pop on over to the Star Wars messageboards. I admin there, so if you see bonniegrrl, that's me.

I'm also in the middle of writing a horror/romance novel. If I was in Hollywood I'd pitch it as Underworld meets Buffy Vampire Slayer meets C.S.I.. It has faeries, elves, vamps, werewolves, humans with special paranormal talents, goddesses, witches, trolls, a cute British love interest, demons and a few ravers thrown in for good measure. It's all set in my current home of San Francisco. My wall is covered with photos and pics of all the characters for inspiration, and my soundtrack includes a ton of techno, Goth classics, P.J. Harvey, Radiohead, NIN and a dash of Johnny Cash. I'm about 1/4 of the way done with it and I hope to have a publisher if I can impress her with it.

I'll tell you one thing... it's damn difficult to write a romance novel when you're tapped out in that dept. In fact, I have do problem spending hours writing about a crime scene (I've been known to empty a room with my talk of determining time of death on a corpse by studying the insect larvae left behind). But when it comes to fleshing out a love scene or putting into words the passion my main character feels for her troubled partner. Well, that's just painful. Seriously. What do I know about love?

I don't want to write a predictable bodice ripper. And quite frankly my heroine is too busy saving us puny mortals than to take time out for smooching some dreamy sidekick. Bah. If you have any suggestions, hand them over. I need to finish this sucker!

I'm also editing a hush-hush book project which should be headed to the publishers soon. Once I have the go ahead to talk about it, you can be sure I'll be promoting the thing day and night on this blog. Trust me.

Also while I'm all self-absorbed here, I wanted to send a shout out to all the pals who've been keeping me sane and reminding me that the world isn't so bad: Darren, Becca, Erin, Teresa, Kirsten, Marvin, Bill, Gayla, Steve, Jonas, Brandi, Wiley and the good folks in my office at Lucasfilm. You all rock.

By the way, I'm revising my fave blog list... do you have a favorite one? Please nominate it in the discussion area! Thanks.


previous months


Amazon Wishlist
Friendster Profile
Grrl Gets the Goods
Phreaky Phun Linx
Relationships 101
Absurd Auctions
Plant Journal

Memorizing This:
The Non-Expert:
Broken Hearts

Magnificent Obsessions
Wee Me and the Wolf
Excitement Machine
News of the Dead
Everlasting Blort
Autopsy Report
Flip Flop Flyin'
Spike Report
Choire Sicha
Not Martha
Mary Chen
Lots of Co.
ljc blog

Grrl.com Store
Grrl Gift Guide
My Half.com books
My eBay collectibles
My Amazon books/CDs

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