Sept. 25, 2004
Jeanne Travis & Peter Ellenby's Wedding
Sept. 6, 2004
Lettuce Amuse U Traffic School
If Daisy Duke had a little sis, who didn't really look like her, but liked to get from point A to point B the fastest way possible... that would be me. Granted, I don't have the General Lee or a tricked out Jeep to get me back and forth to work, but my Green VW Beetle I call Prisilla, can speed from my San Fran casa to Skywalker Ranch in about 45 minutes...if I go about 15 miles over the speed limit of 55. So it's no shocker that after a year and a few months of commuting that I'd get caught by the fuzz and get a speeding ticket.
Even in this state where the dotcom boom began, there are still a few counties where online traffic school isn't allowed. And since I got the speeding ticket in Marin county, I had to sign up for actually dentention-like traffic school. Out of all the schools that my co-workers suggested (pretty much half the company has gotten speeding tickets), one stood out: "Lettuce Amuse U Traffic School." I kid you not. That was the name of the school. I was going to spend an entire Saturday there with other vechicular delinquents.
The class was taught by a comedian/drummer Mick Berry. And to all our relief, he didn't crack jokes for the first ten minutes and then make us do some timed test about DUI percentages and deer lights.
Instead of the usual traffic school situation, we all told our "I can't believe I got a ticket" stories including one poor guy who was ticketed for speeding on the Golden Gate at 4am, when no one was even on the bridge. He sat behind me and we chatted about jumpers for a good 15 minutes.
"Ya know the cops throw life preserves into the water after the jumper leaps," he said.
"Well, that seems a bit overly optimistic doesn't it? I mean the fall alone usually pulverizes the jumper's insides, right?" finally putting my C.S.I. viewing obsession to good use.
"It's thrown to show the cops which direction the corpse will be floating so they can find it later," he said a matter of factly.
During the lengthy class, we were asked to write down all our traffic questions down that we had, and our instructor would answer them. Then he'd ask us to choose a Trivial Pursuit type question about movies (which usually were oldies I knew nothing about), music, history, geography and his personal life. Throughout the day I learned various traffic regulations, when the parachute was first invented and that our instructor was a professional musician who wrote a book about drumming called The Drummer's Bible and at 42 still had commitment issues with his girlfriend.
We'd get points if we answered the questions right, but of course we also got points for entertaining our instructor and class with smartass comments -- so naturally my team won. I think I got 25 points just for my drummer jokes alone. I had named our team the Boss Hog Underachievers (merging a "Dukes of Hazzard" and The Big Lewbowski references that no one in the class got).
Just in case any of you reading this live in California, here's a few of the traffic questions we had answered:
Q. Why doesn't Marin County offer online traffic school?
Q. Do the police treat MUNI bus drivers with the same rules and
regulations as the rest of
Q. Are there any cell phone usage while driving regulations?
Q. If an on-duty cop damages your car, can you still file a complaint
even if they
Q. What is the biggest cause of accidents in the city and on the
Other traffic trivia worth noting:
Now THAT'S a drunk driving sobriety test!