Fri., Feb. 28, 2003

My Big Fat Greek Fan

Actually, he's not Greek or fat, but he is a fan. He digs this blog (and Grrl.com) so much that he bought me a DVD copy of My Big Fat Greek Wedding right off of my neverending Amazon Wishlist! How's that for cool? So many thanks go out to Roberto Rosenfeld in Miami Beach! You rock!

Tues., Feb. 25, 2003

Things I Wish I Knew

• star constellations
• predicting weather by cloud shapes
• how to play the sitar
• how to speak in another language
• how to read lips
• what my dog is thinking
• what my boyfriend is thinking
• how to make decent sushi
• how to move objects with my mind
• when to shut up
• macrame or knitting in general
• how to use a sewing machine
• bake my own bread
• how to say no to Krispy Kreme donuts
• how not to take comments personally
• how to remember people's names
• where all the countries are on a map
• all the state birds and flowers
• how to drive a stick shift
• howto play poker

Tues., Feb. 18, 2003

Joe Millionaire Never Ends

After the never-ending precaps of the recaps of the reality dating coup Joe Millionaire I finally got to see the two-hour "ending" to the show. Yeah, yeah... so he picked the goody-2-shoes Zora (love her!) and not the catty Sarah (shoe fetish model gets the boot). Now what? They live happily ever after with $500,000 each and a reality show under their belts? Eh. Even though it was a fairytale ending, I still feel unsatisfied. Perhaps it's the John Waters in me, but here's some alternate endings of what I think SHOULD have happened on the Joe Millionaire finale:

• Sarah throws a violent fit learning Joe isn't rich and tries to smoother him with the couch cushion. The butler stands back to watch, all the while giggling and sipping cognac.
• Zora accepts Joe's request for a relationship then proceeds to surprise him with her own shocking news: she's really a HE.
• Joe reveals that he has romantic feelings for the butler instead.
• Joe picks Zora and tells her he's just a poor construction worker. Zora tells Joe she's been lying the whole time too and she's really a zillionaire. She chooses the butler.
• Joe offers Zora a life of romance, Zora tells Joe she's an alien from Mars. And she can prove it!
• Joe and Zora find out that the butler is the millionaire and he's now engaged to Mojo.
• Zora dumps Joe for the horse.
• Sarah and Melissa are both preggers with Joe's baby. New show begins: Joe's Child Support.

Discuss

Wed., Feb. 12, 2003

Best Movies Ever

Bob Sassone asked me to come up with a list of my top 10 favorite movies and it took me forever to think about it. I'm a bit of a movie freak, so of course I had to lament over it all. I left out my favorite horror, foreign, sci-fi and stop-motion films...but this is what I finally settled on.

1. Better Off Dead
Quite possibly the best break-up movie of all time -- you just can't go wrong with a suicidal yet klutzy John Cusack, animated hamburgers singing Van Halen songs, explosive dinners, extreme skiing, a very young Booger and a cute French girl who loves baseball. Plus how many times have you yelled "I want my two dollars?"

2. The Dark Crystal
Jim Hensen's creepiest muppet movie ever. Part fantasy, part horror -- these elfin creatures go through quite the journey to save themselves from pending doom.

3. The Hunger
Any Goth kid (we were called Death Rockers in my day) will tell you this is THE artsy vampire movie. No cheap gimmicks -- just an intelligent story, a great soundtrack (live performance from Bauhaus) and David Bowie as a damn sexy vamp!

4. Watership Down
Based on the book by Richard Adams, this animated movie is NOT for kids. In fact, I remember seeing it in 1978 when I was a wee lass and ended up petrified of rabbits for a very long time. The story itself deals with topics we all face today -- freedom, war, betrayal and the right to happiness. I thank my lucky stars daily that Disney never got ahold of this one.

5. Female Trouble
By far, one of John Waters' best films. Anything staring Divine is a gem, and I could go on and on about the genius of John Waters. In this film, Dawn Davenport (aka Divine) runs away from home entering a life of crime all because her parents didn't buy her cha-cha heels for Christmas. (It includes one of the best family fights ever involving the destruction of the Christmas tree -- a funny tribute to the mom/daughter Christmas tree fight in A Summer Place !!!) I wish Waters' would make more films like this one.

6. Valley of the Dolls
Patty Duke and Sharon Tate show their gams and inner turmoil in this campy cult movie of success and failure in the old school entertainment industry... in Hollywood and Broadway. I particularly love the trashy bathroom fight scene and of course a strungout Patty screaming "Shine Neely, Shine!" It's so bad, it's good.

7. All About Eve
When Bette Davis was bitchy, she was at her best. This movie has so many great one-liners and sassy retorts that you'll find yourself saying "meow" on a regular basis. Plus the cameo from Marilyn Monroe is priceless.

8. Mr. T's Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool
It's actually a self-help video for teens and not a REAL movie -- but you'll find yourself eating popcorn and wishing it was. One of the most memorable skits includes a kid tripping and falling over himself. "How does a brutha recoup?" asks Mr. T. Heck, by pretending you're breakdancing instead, that's what. Brilliant.

9. Rock 'n' Roll High School
Some say it's a legit movie, others say it's a really long Ramones music video. Either way, I love it. The scene where a girl fantasizes about Joey crooning to her in her bedroom makes me giggle hard enough to give me sidepains.

10. Sixteen Candles
Farmer Ted, how I love thee. Amazingly enough, this movie stands the test of time. Great music, funny one-liners I still use today and Molly Ringwald at her best. It makes me long for a time when John Hughes movies were study guides for how to survive high school. Plus Joan Cusack with a headgear can't be beat.

Discuss

Thurs, Feb. 6, 2003

VOTE FOR ME!!!

Thanks to the UK men's magazine Bizarre I'm in a Bizarre Babe Contest with some rather creepy-looking naked chicks. Ironically enough, I'm one of the very few gals not revealing a damn thing. In fact, it's just a photo of my face.

The girl with the most votes will win an exclusive shoot with one of the world's top glamour photographers, and the results will be on a full-size Bizarre magazine poster!

Do me a favor and vote for me - Bettie's Page in the Bizarre Beauties Contest.

Mon, Feb. 3, 2003

i hear the ocean

I went to the beach in Santa Cruz yesterday. I know this sounds like a crazy thing to say, but I forget I live next to the ocean. I mean technically I live inland more in the forest. But even when I lived in San Francisco, I always forgot I could hop a bus and sink my bare feet in the sand within minutes.

It was nice to feel the salt breeze, watch dogs catch driftwood sticks and see the brave few willing to swim in the chilly water. I was satisfied with sitting on the beach and occasionally sticking my feet in the freezing waves. I think I need to visit the beach at least once a week.

Discuss

Sat., Feb. 1, 2003

hubba hubba

That's NOT me on the cover, but I did manage to make it in a tear-out supplement to the UK men's magazine Bizarre. I have a photo spread (I think I'm the only girl featured with clothes ON) and a mini-interview. You can see my pic already on their site in the Bizarre Babes section. (I'm the one on the far left.)

If you see the Feb. 2003 issue pick it up, or order one here.

Discuss